How Do I Feel About Myself?
“I am deeply lonely… I feel empty inside.” “I can’t be alone.” “I’m passive, drifting; I can’t even make ‘simple’ decisions.” “I’m angry.” “I’m hard-hearted and detached.” “My life is driven by a deep sense of shame.” “I’m struggling in my relationship with God.” “I desire to experience the peace that is supposed to pass all understanding.” “I would like to learn to seek others out rather than choose to isolate.” I would like to learn to relate to God as a loving Father.” “I would like to live out of the truth of who God says I am, rather than what I may believe about myself.” “What does it really mean to ‘love others as I love myself?’”
How Are My Relationships with Others?
“I fear relating honestly to others.” “I’m co-dependent… I live my life through others.” “I refuse to connect emotionally with others.” “I just can’t keep appropriate boundaries.” “I find it hard to be known and live behind a mask.” “I’m the victim of abusive relationships.” “I feel anger or hatred towards women or men.” “I have a fear of commitment.” “I want to connect with others from a place of relational health.” “I want to learn to say, ‘No.’” “Authenticity is a deep desire of mine, but it seems beyond my reach.” “I would like to learn to initiate relationships with others from a place a strength, rather than weakness.” “I want to find relational wholeness in my relationship with God so that I have something to offer others.”
How Are My Sexual Relationships?
“I act promiscuously.” “I use pornography.” “I can’t keep my own sexual boundaries with others.” “I’m a victim of abusive relationships.” “I read erotic literature and novels.” “I use or engage in prostitution.” “I have self-identified, unwanted, same sex attraction (unwanted homosexual or lesbian feelings).” “I’m married to or in a relationship with someone dealing with these sexual issues.” “I long to experience sexual intimacy as God intended.” “How can I learn to love again after having trust broken?” “I want to forgive my loved one.”
To become a voice of hope and a place of restoration for those in sexual and relational conflict throughout every community within Central Pennsylvania.
- We are a nonprofit counseling organization that provides Christ-centered education and support to individuals and families who struggle with or are impacted by sexual brokenness.
- We are an interdenominational ministry which offers counseling and support services to those overcoming sexual conflicts such as sexual compulsivity, sexual addiction, sexual abuse, and sexual identity issues, such as homosexuality.
- We strive to be a help to those who struggle with sexual conflicts, to help them to manage their sexuality to the glory of God through abstinence or through developing the ability to enter into and maintain an intimate, lifelong, monogamous, heterosexual marriage.
- We help participants grow in their ability to be relationally appropriate with members of the same, as well as the opposite, sex.
- We believe our purpose is to be a model of the practical experience of the grace of God to and within the Christian community.
To bring hope and restoration to individuals and families walking through sexual and relational conflicts by providing Christ-centered counseling, education, and support.
Support Day Seven Ministries
Day Seven Ministries is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization that is supported by individuals, churches, and businesses throughout the area.
“There remains then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for those who enter God’s rest also rest from their own work, just as God did from His. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.” — Hebrews 4:9-11 (TNIV)
When Enos Daniel Martin, M.D., founded Day Seven Ministries over 27 years ago, he was looking for a name that communicated the need to “rest from our fruitless efforts to save ourselves” from the sins with which we struggle. The name Day Seven reflects the example of our Savior who rested on the seventh day of Creation. And, that is what we have been attempting to do for the past 20 years – help people find rest from their sexual and relational struggles.
Originally located in Elizabethtown, PA, Day Seven Ministries now has its main office in Lancaster and branch offices in Camp Hill and Reading. Recovery groups also operate throughout South-Central PA.
Bill began his current position as Executive Director with Day Seven Ministries in August of 2013. Before serving with us, Bill spent 22 years in pastoral ministry in California, Kentucky and New York. He graduated from Houghton College followed by Asbury Theological Seminary and later earned his spiritual direction credential from the Epiphany Institute in Pittsburgh. His current responsibilities at Day Seven include building relationships with pastors and community agencies, providing seminars for churches and community groups, and leadership and administrative responsibilities. He has a passion for helping others live up to their full calling and potential and loves to see people’s inner inspiration become real and concrete. Bill and his wife, Maria, have four children. Bill does not see clients individually at this time.
Dan is the Director of Counseling and Education. Prior to this, Dan has served as Executive Director and previous to that, Community Relations Director. Before serving with Day Seven Ministries, Dan spent 12 years in pastoral ministry with over eight of those years in ministry to youth and their families. Dan first became involved with Day Seven Ministries as a recovery group leader and completed his practicum and internship toward the completion of a Master of Arts degree in Marriage and Family Counseling at Lancaster Bible College’s Graduate School. In addition to his studies at LBC, Dan completed classes towards a Masters of Divinity Degree at Asbury Theological Seminary. Dan and his wife, Heather, have three children, live in York Haven and attend Wyndamere Heights Evangelical Congregational Church. Dan sees clients both at the Lancaster and Camp Hill locations.
Zach grew up about an hour from Lancaster and like many others his age, was unsure what direction to go after high school. Although he didn’t have a strong pull to a particular field of study, he felt that Lancaster Bible college was a good fit to continue his education. Through various experiences and opportunities, he felt that the counseling field was where he needed to be and serve. Zach interned with Day Seven for three years and finished graduate school in 2012, when he officially came on staff as a counselor. His passion for helping and hearing others has led him to enjoy what he does, in speaking truth and showing grace through individual counseling and recovery groups. Zach sees clients at both the Lancaster and Reading locations.
Michael began his second stint serving Day Seven Ministries as a counselor in January, 2012. He holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Secondary Education from the University of Arkansas and a Masters of Science in Clinical Psychology from Millersville University. He is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors, the American Counseling Association, and the Pennsylvania Psychology Association. He, his wife, and their two sons attend Cross Roads Brethren in Christ Church in Mount Joy, Pennsylvania. He enjoys reading, playing basketball with his sons, and hiking the Rocky Mountains. He is passionate about helping people to resolve painful pasts, relational difficulties, emotional dysfunction, and addictive ruts. Michael sees clients at both the Lancaster and Camp Hill locations.
Darren joined Day Seven Ministries in September 2004, after graduating from Lancaster Bible College with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Christian Life Ministry and a minor in Counseling. Darren has completed his Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling with Regions University, Montgomery, AL. With Day Seven, Darren counsels with men who struggle with sexual brokenness in a number of areas. He spent 23 years in the Air Force and is employed as a program manager at the Navy Depot in Mechanicsburg. He serves in a leadership position with the Camp Hill Church of Christ, Camp Hill, where he and his wife, Jennifer, attend. The Crowdens have a married daughter and twin grandsons. Darren sees clients at the Camp Hill location.
Craig works part-time for Day Seven Ministries as an intake counselor and in various other roles as the opportunity arises. He is the author of a memoir, “A Walk with God to Remember,” about his first wife who died of leukemia. A graduate of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, he has worked in campus ministry with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, in church ministry with an Evangelical Free congregation, in recovery ministry with Water Street Ministries, and in chaplain ministry with Willow Valley Communities. He is married to Diane and has two daughters adopted from China. Craig does intakes at the Lancaster location.
Nick received his Master of Arts in Counseling from Biblical Theological Seminary. He has a Bachelors Degree from Union University where he received his BS in Business Administration. After being in the business world for six years, he decided to make a change. He worked for an at-risk youth camp where he helped families work through trauma and restore their broken relationships. During this time, he developed his passion for helping others restore relationships. This is when Nick felt called to go into counseling. Nick is married and enjoys spending time with his wife and friends. He likes spending time outdoors, but also like watching movies on his surround sound. Nick sees clients at the Camp Hill location.
Rebecca is a Licensed Social Worker who received a Bachelors degree in Psychology from Dallas Baptist University and a Masters in Social Work from Millersville University. She is a Lancaster county native and lives with her husband and two daughters in the Manheim area. As a life-long resident, she is interested in addressing the strengths and growth opportunities inherent to Lancaster county culture within the therapeutic process. Rebecca is passionate about promoting the integration of spiritual and emotional health, believing that one is not complete without the other. This focus translates into many areas including individual wellness, sexual health, relational and marital health, and a variety of mental health issues. She enthusiastically supports the mission of Day Seven in promoting heart wellness first, as it is “the wellspring of life”. Rebecca sees clients at the Lancaster location.
Gary L. Lord
Gary is an experienced Licensed Clinical Psychologist passionate about helping people improve their lives. He works with those struggling with sexual and intimacy problems, anxiety, depression, PTSD, and with the elderly in successful aging. He does stress management, anger management, and works with abuse victims. He is an active member of Lancaster Evangelical Free Church. His focus in counseling is, and has been for 30 years, relationships and problems with intimacy and anything that prevents individuals and couples from achieving healthy, effective, faithful, and fulfilling lives. In addition to his clinical work, Gary has done executive coaching and consulting with businesses and organizations, and he has taught and done research at universities and colleges. He has also taught and served in various leadership positions in the church. Gary and his wife, Temmy, live in Leola. Their two married children live in Seattle, Gary’s home state. Gary sees clients at the Lancaster and Reading locations.
Daena holds a Bachelors of Science Degree in Secondary Education from Shippensburg University, and a Masters of Art in Marriage and Family Therapy from Evangelical Theological Seminary. Understanding that people yearn to be freed from the bonds of sexual brokenness, Daena strives to help clients develop wholeness of soul. So many tendrils of lies permeate the hearts, minds and souls of those struggling with sexual brokenness that part of the work of therapy involves restoration; the ability to know and tell others about personal needs, wants and desires; a reclamation of the power given to us by God as people created in His image; and the ability to engage in healthy relationships with others. Additionally, she enjoys working with couples to help guide them to explore the possibilities of choosing to create a better marriage. Daena is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. She and her husband, Joe, have three children and attend Hope Community Church in Mt. Joy, PA. Daena sees clients at the Camp Hill location.
B.A., M.A. in progress
Danielle Brodhecker earned a BA in Sociology at Virginia Wesleyan College. She is working on her Masters in Mental Health Counseling at Lancaster Bible College. Danielle has wanted to help others from a young age. Prior to beginning her education at LBC, she became impassioned to help restore trafficking victims. This lead her to want to intern at Day Seven Ministries where she has the opportunity to help abuse victims. Also, in helping those who are impacted by sex addiction, Danielle hopes she can impact the demand for trafficking victims. Danielle sees clients at the Lancaster location.
Casey is a recent graduate of Lancaster Bible College, having graduated with a MA in Marriage and Family Counseling. Prior to this, she received her undergraduate degree from Lycoming College, studying religion and psychology. She began interning with Day Seven in May 2014. In addition to her work at Day Seven, Casey also has experience working with individuals with substance addictions and eating disorders. She also spent 3 years working with children on the autism spectrum. Casey is passionate about being able to walk with individuals, couples, and families on the road to restoration, utilizing a counseling model that both honors Biblical truth and psychological insight. Casey sees clients at both the Lancaster and Camp Hill locations.
Wendy first joined Day Seven as a counseling intern through Lancaster Bible College. Prior to attending college, Wendy completed a YWAM DTS where God laid counseling on her heart, specifically for those dealing with sexual brokenness. Knowing education would be necessary, she graduated with her Masters in Professional Counseling from Lancaster Bible College in 2014 and continued on with Day Seven. She enjoys walking with others through their hurts and struggles as well as watching them experience victory in big and small ways through individual therapy and groups. She and her husband attend Petra Church in New Holland. Wendy sees clients at both the Lancaster and Reading locations.
Chris is a pastoral care intern, working toward a Master of Arts in Ministry Care and is able to provide pastoral care in the area of youth, families, marriage, and addictions drawing from his experience as a youth pastor and his training in addictions, crisis counseling, and group care. While he is a Pastoral Care professional who has been trained in pastoral care, more importantly he is a fellow follower of Christ who has learned from life’s difficulties how to grow in his journey with God even in the midst of painful circumstances. Chris has over four years experience partnering with others on their journeys toward healing in a group format, encouraging them toward a place of health and freedom from their battles in life, specifically in the area of sexual purity. The ultimate authority for which he relies on in the transformation process is Christ and His Word. He has completed a Masters of Divinity degree in Ministry Leadership, which is the culmination of four years of intense theological training. Chris have been married to his wife Jenn for over five years and they have a young son Ian who was born in November of 2013. Chris sees clients at the Camp Hill location.
Renee is a mother to a daughter and son-in-law and grandmother to two grandchildren. Renee’s undergraduate degrees in chemistry and biology equipped her with a pre-med background, and later she completed her first Masters Degree in Business Management (MBA). In her career as an emergency manager, she learned she was able to diffuse various crisis situations. She translated these skills of conflict resolution into her passion to assist people who are in crisis both psychologically and emotionally. She started her counseling career ten years ago when she established a non-profit organization that focused on the reduction of stressors in the lives of adults and youth. Renee then completed a Masters Degree in Marketplace Chaplaincy with a concentration in Christian Counseling. She also has additional graduate hours in Professional Psychology, and has completed three units in Clinical Pastoral Education. Renee uses an eclectic style—a Rogerian style of listening combined with Reality and Cognitive Behavioral therapeutic approaches. Other therapies are sometimes incorporated as needed for a person’s healing journey. A second passion she is pursuing is the establishment of transitional housing and counseling for women coming out of human trafficking. Renee sees clients at the Camp Hill location.
Day Seven Ministries offers professional, confidential, Christian counseling to individuals, couples, adolescents, and families affected by sexual and relational brokenness issues. Each counselor at Day Seven Ministries is a committed Christian who is equipped to integrate the Christian faith with psychotherapy techniques. We approach counseling from a solid Biblical perspective, because we believe that ultimate healing and true freedom comes through an active, growing relationship with Jesus Christ, and that this relationship affects change in all areas of life.
Although each counselor has a slightly different approach to the counseling process, our idea or theory can be described as:
- Biblically based and Christ-centered
- Family Systems
- Modified 12-step emphasis and integration recovery model approach
Our professional Christian counselors will address any issue related to sexuality, including sexual addiction, pornography, sexual abuse, homosexuality, same-sex attraction, gender confusion, emotionally dependent relationships, promiscuous sexual relationships, marital unfaithfulness and various other sexual relationships. We also provide counseling for individuals who have a sexually addicted spouse and family members who have a loved one who struggles with a sexual issue.
We counsel men, women, couples, families, and adolescents over age 14.
We believe that healing is facilitated through honesty within the context of safe relationships.
Recovery Groups at Day Seven Ministries offer a place where people can talk about their struggles,
find support, receive accountability, and be placed in contact with resources to information
that will aid them in their recovery.
Day Seven Ministries groups meet weekly and are often led by men and women who were once participants. Each group is slightly different; however, all groups focus on healing from
sexual brokenness issues. Listed below are the types of groups offered:
- Men’s Recovery – for men who struggle with sexual addiction, same sex attraction or other sexual and relational issues.
- Women’s Recovery – for women who struggle with sexual addiction, same sex attraction or other sexual and relational issues.
- Wives’ Recovery – for women whose spouses struggle with sexual brokenness issues.
Day Seven Ministries’ recovery groups operate on a quarterly basis and require an individual commitment
to that time frame. However, new participants are welcome at any time. An intake appointment is
necessary for group participation. This appointment allows us to match a new participant to
the appropriate group, discuss group guidelines and confidentiality, and protect the
safety of all group members.
Groups are currently available in Camp Hill, Harrisburg, Lancaster, and Mountville.
For more information or to schedule an Intake in preparation for participating in a Recovery Group,
call the Day Seven Ministries office at (717) 735-0690 or toll-free at (866) 301-3297.
Seminars & Workshops
Day Seven Ministries staff and counselors are available for a variety of speaking engagements that can be customized to your organization’s specific needs. Seminars and workshops cover
a variety of topics relating to sexual brokenness and healing. In the past, we have presented
seminars or workshops for churches, women’s and men’s Bible studies, youth groups, pregnancy
centers, group homes, camps, colleges, and nonprofit organizations.
Conference and Workshop Topics include but are not limited to:
“What is Day Seven all About and Why Do We Exist?”
This is a general talk in which the reality of sexual brokenness is shared along with Day Seven Ministries’
vision to be a voice of hope and a place of restoration for those in sexual and relational conflict
throughout each and every community within Central PA.
“Can’t We All Just Get Along?”
If we are all supposed to be Christians, why is there conflict within the body? What does it mean to truly
live together in community, not just skip out when the going gets rough? This workshop will explore
what the Bible says about how to handle conflict with our brothers and sisters in Christ
and what it teaches us about ourselves.
“Ministering Redemptively With Hope to People Who Struggle With Same Sex Attraction.”
In our culture, people struggling with SSA are often presented with two options: learn to embrace the
attraction or learn to live with condemnation. But, there is another way. The church is to be the
hands and feet of Jesus ministering to people in their brokenness. Through the church, the
hope of Christ and His redemptive power may be extended to those who feel hopeless and
powerless over their attraction.
“Honest Talks About Sex”
This series of interactive workshops is designed to help people talk openly about sex and sexuality
and its place in today’s culture. These workshops cover a variety of topics including a biblical
overview of sexuality, perspectives on gender and sexuality, cultural messages about sex,
and why God created sex. It also addresses issues such as homosexuality,
exual addiction, and masturbation.
“What Does The Bible Say About That?”
The Bible has a lot to say about sexuality, homosexuality, gender, and God’s design for us. This
workshop explores those truths and discusses them in the context of today’s culture and
the messages being’ portrayed through the media.
“Sexual Addiction: Bondage to Counterfeit Intimacy”
Through this seminar the belief that sex is the primary means through which intimacy is found is
countered with the reality that sexual behaviors may lead to addiction which leaves a person
unable to find true intimacy with another. An overview is also provided on the nature of
sexual addiction as well as the belief system of the sexual addict. The seminar concludes
with suggestions on how to respond to the sexually addicted.
“Emotionally Dependent Relationships and Same Sex Attraction in Women”
Women thrive on relationships, but what happens when those relationships go awry? This workshop
addresses the roots and causes of emotionally dependent relationships and same-sex attraction.
It also discusses differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships and how to guard
friendships from becoming unhealthy.
Dating & Marriage
“How To Turbo Boost Your Marriage”
A number of ways are shared to accelerate a marriage forward:
- Construct a dream
- Commitment to each other
- Enhancing or rediscovering chemistry
- Making conflict work for growth
“The Mystery of Marital Oneness”
This talk is about the sexual relationship God created for a man and woman to experience
in the context of marriage.
“Purposeful Dating in a Non-committal World”
This workshop explores healthy aspects of relationships, specifically within the context of dating.
Main points include true intimacy, conflict, and community.
“A Father’s Impact on His Son’s Masculinity”
“My daddy is bigger than your daddy!”
“Oh, yeah? Well, my daddy is stronger than your daddy!” When observing a young boy imitating the way
his dad walks or talks, it quickly becomes evident that fathers leave a powerful imprint on their sons.
This talk examines a child’s perception of his father and how this perception impacts who he desires
to be one day. In addition to this, we will examine what it means to be in the image of daddy and
why a son wants to be like him more than anything else.
“Parenting in a Porn-is-the-Norm Culture”
What is a parent to do when pornographic images are everywhere? The purpose of this seminar is to share
the reality of the culture they are parenting their children in as well as to present ideas as to
how parents can engage their children in conversations that will help them to navigate this
cultural minefield without resorting to a bunker mentality.
“What’s Facing the Teenager That’s Facing You?”
IPods, Facebook, cyber bullying, sexual norms, media and cultural influences…Do you know what your teen
is up against? Designed for parents and teenagers alike, this workshop gives parents a glimpse into
what today’s teenagers are facing, how to open conversations about those issues, and how to stay
culturally savvy in an ever-changing pop culture world.
Relationships & Identity
“Boundaries in Relationships”
Learn how, when, and why it is sometimes necessary to set boundaries in relationships. Discover
what a boundary is and how it can be used to guard and protect yourself and the relationships
that are important in your life.
“The Anatomy of a Healthy Relationship”
Learn the key ingredients for a healthy relationship, including:
- Intentionality and commitment
- Setting and respecting boundaries
- Building safety, trust, and intimacy
- Conflict resolution
- Freedom to dream
What is it? Who designs it? Why do you need it? How do you get it?
A definition and discussion on the basics of accountability relationships, God’s plan for us in
accountability relationships, and the process of putting accountability as a practical
discipline into our lives will all be presented in this workshop.
“What Am I Worth?”
Exploring How and Where We Gain Our Value
Many times we try to find our value and worth in all of the wrong places instead of looking to
our Creator. Learn what it means to be known in Christ and find our significance in Him.
To schedule a speaking engagement or for more information, call the Day Seven Ministries
office at (717) 735-0690.
Trust, or Obedience?
“Trust or Obedience?”
“Go ahead! Take the fruit. Eat it. Don’t you know why God doesn’t want you to eat the fruit? He doesn’t want you to be like him. He is so insecure he can’t bear the thought of anyone knowing what he knows. Is this god really someone you can trust? Go ahead…take a bite…and you’ll see what it is like to be god.” We know the rest of the story. Eve took the fruit, ate it and shared the fruit with Adam. This is the moment everything changed.
When you consider this account of sin entering the world, do you identify the primary problem to be Adam and Eve’s lack of obedience or failure to trust their Creator? The answer you choose will shape the nature of your relationship with God, how you understand the entangling, life-sucking power of sin, and your relationships with others.
Each day we face choices, choices revealing the nature of our hearts. Wayne Jacobsen, in his book, He Loves Me! writes, “One can obey God and yet not trust him, and in doing so miss out on a relationship with him. One cannot, however, trust God and be disobedient to him. All disobedience flows out of mistrust in God’s nature and of his intentions toward us. The experience of Adam and Eve in the Garden wasn’t to demand their obedience, but to incubate their trust” (p. 88).
What was true then, is true today. How would our relationships with God and others be different if we believed God’s desire is first for us to trust him, and then to obey out of this trust? What would it be like to relate to God out of love, rather than comply with his demands and expectations from a foundation of fear? God could have mandated our obedience. He could have “stacked the deck” in such a way to increase the probability of our compliance. Imagine if Adam and Eve had physically died immediately after taking a bite of the fruit? Would things have been different for those who followed? Maybe, or maybe not. The deaths of Ananias and Saphira as a result of their deceit as recorded in Acts has done little to curb our bent towards lying to God and others.
God chose not to demand obedience because he knew “love could flourish only where trust does, and real trust could emerge only where people were free to reject it” (p. 88). God took a huge risk. This is a risk true love takes. Real trust is given life only when we are free to reject it. True, life-giving trust cannot be compelled, mandated, or forced.
When we choose to embrace this reality, our relationships with God, family, and friends change completely. As parents, Heather and I could compel our three children to obey when they were younger with the threat of consequences. Now, our twins Heath and Hannah are about to be 19 years old and Hayden is 17. While consequences may be a natural outcome of choices they make as “almost-adults,” the relationships Heather and I have with our children would be very different if we continued to compel our children to obey with the threat of consequences. Our children are free to accept or reject our love. Each one is free to trust or not to trust. Where there is trust, the seeds of love are sown and our relationships flourish over time.
So, what does it look like to live from a place of trust? If you trust God, are you more or less likely to take charge of your own life, to be your own god? When you trust God, is it more likely you will obey him and not choose to meet your needs on your own? Do you trust God to make you like him, or do you seek to earn his approval and affirmation through your obedience?
A Letter from an Intern
I’ve had the privilege of serving as an intern here at Day Seven Ministries since September of 2013. This learning experience has been invaluable due to the many lessons I’ve learned, and am continuing to learn. Book-learning can only go so far. I’d like to share a few of those lessons and thoughts with you through a blog post series entitled “Through an Intern’s Eyes.” These lessons stem from session observations, my own client sessions or group observations, and from day-to-day interactions with my supervisor and colleagues at Day Seven Ministries. My hope is that these lessons will open a window into the world of others’ which will in turn enhance your own experience, motivate you in your quest for life-change, or challenge you to overcome the bias which can so easily creep in when we think of those experiencing brokenness or addiction. So here we go with lesson number one:
1. Sexual pain impacts both men and women
It sounds so simple and yet, with some chagrin, I’ll admit my assumption prior to walking through the door at Day Seven was that men struggle with sexual issues more than women. “Oh, I’m sure women struggle with this issue to some degree” was my previous pattern of thinking, “but the numbers can’t even be close.” I can’t give you cold-hard-facts about the exact ratio of men to women seen by Day Seven, but my best estimate places it at a 60-40% ratio (men to women respectively). Let that sink in for a brief moment. Even in an estimate, this is a staggering number to consider! I can’t help but wonder where this false assumption came from. Men certainly do not experience this brokenness any more or less severely than women. We all experience brokenness of one kind or another, yet sexual brokenness strikes at the very core of both men and women. It appears though, that the sexual brokenness of men seems to garner more attention than what women experience. Incest, rape, and sexual abuse are examples of the type of sexual brokenness women experience, but what about those women struggling with same-sex attraction or compulsive pornography and masturbation? Women face this issue everyday of their lives. Perhaps my assumption resonated with you, in which case it’s time to wake up to the reality that the numbers are much closer than previously assumed.
My bias as a male, surprisingly enough, was quite negatively geared towards my own gender. I expected men to experience issues relating to sexuality with a greater frequency. Therein, my eyes were opened to a new reality. I wonder what it would look like to increase society’s awareness to the pain of sexual brokenness which both men and women face. Perhaps this would encourage women to seek the help they desperately want because they are freed from the cultural stigma that says sexual issues are “men’s problem.” Perhaps reformatting our view of sexual brokenness will enhance our ability to recognize those men or women around us who may be experiencing this issue. Please don’t let bias cloud your vision for the hurting like I did. You never know the difference you can make until you look for opportunities.
Clyde Sandford, Day Seven Intern
Is the Abstinence Message Enough?
A few days ago Pam Stenzel, a pro abstinence speaker visited Warwick High School amidst
much controversy. She has been accused of putting down students, in what has become
known as slut shaming, thus the controversy. Some disruption was promised on social
media and the school chose to just have it in the evening instead of during school hours as
well. As I have a child in the district I decided to attend, to be supportive and to see what
she was really saying. Perhaps she mellowed because of all the hype, but I didn’t find her
offensive; yes, brash and bold, but not offensive.
I felt she had a very needed message and I must admit I learned a thing or two, though I
have heard many abstinence messages. Her basic point was sex outside of marriage is
dangerous because of the high risk not only of pregnancy, but more importantly the long
lasting effects of STDs. Even the pill and condoms will not protect you from everything. She
also pointed out the emotional effects of guilt and broken trust for years to come as the
issues play out in marriages.
But I couldn’t help but wonder, as I listened, was this enough for these parents and their
students. The principals said this was just part of the sex education the students were
getting, so its not the safe sex message that I thought needed to be included.
Since the audience was mostly parents, she spoke about parenting and the importance of
household rules for the teens. In her bombastic way, she said she is the “dictator” of the
home, and that she would “kill” her son or daughter if they were out of line. Obviously she
was over the top for emphasis, but it reminded me of the many clients who I do intakes for
whose Dad or Mom were literally dictators with little caring, listening and understanding.
Or just the opposite, were absent parental figures. Or in a strange twist of being loving,
spoiled them with everything they wanted. This lack in their lives, lead these clients in a
search for love that they were desperate enough to try to find through sex. So desperate are
they that they would throw aside the abstinence message in an instant.
Ms. Stenzel is a Christian and in her books and videos has a Christian perspective that she
could not bring into a secular school audience. I wonder what she says there. Though she
did affirm the girls as princesses, if she could have spoken of God’s love for the teens
despite what their parents lacked, how that could have changed their view of themselves. If
she could have spoken of forgiveness and the power of grace, how that could have freed
them from the ever-increasing entanglement of this sin. This is the message that goes
beyond the sense of shame that is hard to avoid when you talk only of consequences.
Wednesday night was good as far as it went, but the messages of being loving parents and
knowing the grace of God fill it out in a much-needed way.
What Happens First?
Contact our office for more information or to schedule an appointment at 717.735.0690 or 866.301.DAY7, or email firstname.lastname@example.org. We charge modest fees for our services and no one will be turned away due to an inability to pay. Your initial contact with Day Seven does not obligate you to our counseling services.
At our Camp Hill location, Day Seven partners with Grace Like a River. Grace Like a River is a counseling and healing ministry of Shawn Geraty and friends whose passion and desire is to see people’s hearts transformed and minds renewed in the presence of Christ and the Father’s healing love. Their specialty is integrating healing approaches with professional Christian counseling that lead to transformation and wholeness in people’s lives. Grace Like a River offers counseling services to individuals, couples, families, and groups. They also offer seminars for churches that focus on personal growth and healing, as well as, training seminars for those seeking to facilitate healing in counseling and church settings. For more info, visit www.gracelikeariver.com
- 717.735.0690 or (Toll Free) 866.301.DAY7
- 802 Olde Hickory Road Lancaster, PA 17601
- 1213 Old Slate Hill Rd, Camp Hill PA 17011
Bethany Church of the Nazarene
1605 Parkway West Harrisburg, PA 17112